Dragons' Nest
by cakelover2468
Summary: They'll always be one big family through thick and thin - or rather, Natsu's Pokemon Go antics, Gajeel's terrible hairstyling tips, the twins' discovery of Nutella, Laxus's permanent headache, and a million other things. Slayer family AU drabbles!
1. Jailed by Pokemon

A/N: SO I'M SLAYER TRASH NOW AHAHA.

* * *

It's literally _two in the morning,_ and whoever is calling them had better have a good reason if they don't want to end up in a very, very dark and lonely place sometime soon.

Laxus stumbles out of bed like a nightmare, snatches up the receiver, and hisses, " _What,_ " in his best death voice. To his complete and utter expectation, Natsu's voice responds.

"Uh, so we're in jail."

Laxus leans back and massages his temples. "Natsu, it is _two_ in the AM. What did you do?"

He can practically _feel_ his little brother's wince. "Uh, well, Gajeel and Sting and Rogue and me – we sorta kinda broke onto private property. You know the Heartfilia mansion on the edge of town? Well, the old man's _crazy,_ he totally pulled a baseball bat on us and _everything._ Oh, Erik came too, but he didn't get caught. Also they called the cops. So."

Laxus looks to the ceiling and summons every ounce of self-control he has. " _Why?"_

"There was a Charizard."

He huffs out a sigh. "Please tell me Wendy isn't with you."

"Nah, she went with Erik. I should've listened when he told us not to go in – but it was a _Charizard."_ Natsu's tone fully indicates that the Charizard is completely worth getting jailed for, and not for the first time, Laxus wants to kill him. Scratch that – when he gets to the police station, he _is_ going to kill him.

"You're dead," he says, very clearly, into the receiver. " _All_ of you. Except for Erik and Wendy because they were smart."

"Yeah, but _I_ have a Charizard now and _he_ doesn't, so your point is invalid," Natsu has the _guts_ to point out, and Laxus slams the phone back down, effectively hanging up on him.

"They're gonna be the death of me," he mutters, pulling on his coat and heading out to his car. "A flipping _Charizard."_

And if he stops by the Heartfilia mansion on his way to the police office with the Pokemon Go app active, well, that isn't anybody's business, now, is it?


	2. You Could Get Hippies

**A/N: LaminateGem12 wanted some Wendy action, so I hope this works? Eh.**

 **Oh yeah, I take requests, so if you wanna see something, by all means, ask. I reserve the right to reject an idea if it's too graphic or hard to write, though. (Sorry!)**

* * *

There's an awful, bloodcurdling scream from outside.

Laxus ignores it and moves his pawn forward. He'd learned long ago that screams in the Slayer household are only to be ignored. Plus, he's playing Erik, and damn him if the little brat doesn't know _every_ _move_ he's going to make.

An unholy stream of foul language howled in Gajeel's dulcet tones reaches his ears, but he pays no attention to that either. He has a pair of headphones riding on this game; his little brother's butt-whooping can wait.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Rogue shouts, and Erik twitches uncomfortably from the noise. Taking advantage of the distraction, Laxus takes his bishop.

… Aaaaand Erik uses the opportunity to destroy his one remaining knight in turn. Damn that kid and his freaky intuition. Laxus swears under his breath and is busy deciding his next move when his ears prick up.

Wendy – is _crying._

That is… That is just _no._

That is _unacceptable._

Erik is already shooting off his chair and out the door, and Laxus pauses for a minute to, um, _rearrange_ the chessboard a little before heading off in the same direction. (Hey, Wendy may be the baby of the family, but his headphones are important, too.) He finds the rest of his family crowded in a circle around their sobbing baby sister, all except Natsu – who, of course, is engaged in a fight with another kid.

Laxus stomps over and snags both him and the other kid by the collar, tearing them apart. "Lemme go!" Natsu roars. "I'm gonna kill him!"

"You've already gotten in trouble with the police once before, and if you do it again, _I'm_ going to kill _you_ ," Laxus threatens. "Also. Who the hell are you?"

The other kid doesn't respond, mostly because he looks like he's peeing his pants in terror. Natsu takes the opportunity to wiggle out of Laxus's grip and aim a punch, but Laxus grabs his hand before it's too late.

But then, to his eternal shock, Sting shoots up straight and hollers, "Let him do it!"

Laxus's head whips around to face his other brother. He's aware of the fact that Sting worships Natsu, but normally, the kid was way more mature than this.

"If you're not gonna beat him up, Natsu," Gajeel snarls, only adding to Laxus's shock, "I'll do it myself. Nobody messes with Wendy and gets away with it."

The eldest Slayer blinks twice before turning to Rogue. "Wanna give me an explanation as to _what_ in the name of Mavis is going on?"

"Kid kissed Wendy. Natsu and Gajeel saw. It ended badly," was Rogue's response.

Laxus's palm smacks into his forehead. Unfortunately, that was the hand holding onto the unknown kid, who immediately runs for it.

"GET BACK HERE!" Natsu howls.

"Shut up," Laxus advises, slamming him into the ground. He'd learned that this was quite effective when dealing with his brother.

Natsu coughs up a mouthful of dust. "He doesn't get to mess with Wendy that way – "

"Yeah, well, you don't get to beat up random people that way. You're fifteen, not four, and I expect you to act your age. Otherwise, I'm phoning Erza."

Natsu pales at the thought of their black-belt-in-everything-practically-Navy-SEAL-really-really-scary cousin. "Riiiggghhht. I'll leave him alone – for now."

Laxus sighs. That's the best he's going to get from him, anyway. "Also. Wendy. Wanna tell me who that boy was?"

Wendy, who's apparently stopped crying by now, blushes a little. "Um, his name is Romeo, and he's in my class. He just offered to walk me home – I don't know how it ended so badly. I-I'm sorry!"

That's when it hits home that Wendy is actually _dating someone._

Laxus freezes. "Wait, hold up – _what?"_

No.

Nonononono.

 _Noooooo._

He is not equipped to deal with this.

Rogue, sure. Sting, maybe. Erik probably already knows everything there is to know. But _Wendy?_ How is he going to explain the dangers of dating to tiny, innocent, twelve-year-old _Wendy?_

"I'm _thirteen_ , Laxus," Wendy complains.

"Do you even know what STDs are?" is his response. No, of course she doesn't. And she's not going to have to know. Because she's not old enough for that stuff. Not yet.

"I _know_ about the birds and the bees!"

Laxus whips around to glare at his brothers, who all look as shocked as he does. "All right, which one of you idiots taught her that stuff? Spill."

"None of them taught me anything," Wendy says impatiently. "I learned at school."

"I didn't sign any permission slip!"

"I learned from the drawings in our textbooks."

"Wendy, you are _not_ dating some random guy. Don't you know? Cafés and dance halls are dens of evil!"

"What _century_ are you from?"

"You could get, I dunno, _hippies_ or something! Do you want that, Wendy? Do you want random long-haired men in rainbow suits lounging around in our living room? Is that what you want? _Huh?_ "

"I – _what?"_

"Erik, I want that boy's address. And I want it _now."_

"Does this mean I get to beat him up?" Natsu asks hopefully.

" _No!"_ Laxus snaps. "You're going to end up burning his house down. And then the insurance guys are gonna be mad at us again. And then we're going to have to pay for more stuff. Which we really don't have the cash for at the moment, because _you eat more food than Godzilla and five elephants combined!"_

"Laxus," Wendy pleads, "he was just trying to walk me home. _Please_ don't make this into such a big deal. Please?"

Ahhh… and she's fixing him with those Bambi eyes. Ugh. How's he supposed to resist the Bambi eyes?

Laxus pauses, then shakes his head. "I don't know about this, Wendy…"

"It was just a _kiss._ We're not going to get married or anything." The Bambi eyes intensify. "Don't you trust me?"

He was fighting a losing battle, and he knew it. Damn those Bambi eyes.

Laxus groans and rubs his temples before letting out a long, long sigh. "I'm going to regret this."

Wendy squeals and throws her arms around him. He awkwardly pats her head a couple of times before clearing his throat.

"Uh, but Erik, I still want that kid's address. Just in case."


	3. You Suck At Being a Ninja

It's flowers this time.

Erik watches as Natsu swings out his window with expert ease, catching hold of a tree branch and shimmying down the trunk. The bouquet in his hands tips a little, and Erik can practically _feel_ his brother's cringe as he catches a rose before it can fall, tucking it carefully into place. There's a million things wrong with this scenario, not least the fact that _Natsu_ is being _careful,_ but he lets it slide with a slight grin, watching him tiptoe down the path and climb over the fence to avoid the squeaky hinges on the gate.

As if he wouldn't notice, Erik thinks with a sigh. As if he doesn't know exactly who the flowers are for.

He lets the curtains fall and climbs back into bed, flicking an idle glance at the clock. One forty-five in the morning. Same as always.

* * *

Natsu almost drops the cookies, and it takes everything Gajeel has not to pop the window open and scream at him to be more careful.

Heart in his mouth, he watches as his brother climbs down the tree yet again, sucking in a hard breath when he loses his grip slightly. But he makes it safe and sound, and Gajeel breathes out a long, long sigh, gaze following the familiar tuft of pink hair as it vanishes around the corner and into the dark.

That was the last batch of cookies too, darn it. But he lets it slide with a shake of his head because he knows who the cookies are for.

"Idiot," he mutters. "I hope he doesn't get arrested again."

* * *

"He's going _again."_

Sting stands at the window, biting his lip and twisting his shirt in his hands. "What if the old man shows up? He already got Natsu arrested once."

"That was 'cause _you_ freaking shouted when you saw the Charizard," Rogue points out dryly from the top bunk. "And Natsu was being an idiot and couldn't decide whether to run or to catch the thing."

" _Still,"_ Sting insists, "it's _dangerous_. I thought Luigi was gonna have a heart attack when her dad showed up with the baseball bat."

"I think her name's Lucy, Sting."

"Natsu said it was Luigi."

"She corrected him _immediately_ afterward; do you _never_ pay attention to anything?"

"But she's his girlfriend, shouldn't he know?"

Rogue pauses a little. "I dunno if she's his actual girlfriend. He's probably just whipped."

"He's sneaking out at _one_ in the _morning._ Of course she's his girlfriend."

Rogue's face scrunches up. "You really think a girl like that would go out with a guy like him?"

Sting pauses. Thinks it over. Flops back into his bottom bunk.

"… Yeah, you're right. He's probably just whipped."

* * *

"Natsu, are you going to the Heartfilia mansion again?"

Natsu jumps about three feet into the air, his horrified gaze shooting up to the window above him. " _Wendy?_ What – no – what're you doing awake at this time?"

Wendy leans over the windowsill. "It's a little obvious, you know. Sting and Rogue might've bought it when you told them there were a lot of rare Pokémon in there, but I figured there was a different reason you wanted to climb the fence." She tips her head to the side. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"What – no, no, no! You've got it all wrong, Wen – she's just somebody I ran into at a store one time and thought it was cool to see again. I don't know her that well. And I definitely haven't been sneaking out to see her or anything. Nope. Just, uh, catching Pokémon. That time we got arrested was the only time, I promise ya." Natsu tries a grin, but Wendy only frowns.

"You know I hate it when you lie to me."

The guilt is too much. She can see it in his face, right before he looks down.

"Promise you won't tell Laxus?" he asks softly.

"As long as you promise to be more careful this time," she responds. "That baseball bat was really scary. I didn't know what I was going to do if you got seriously hurt."

"Aw, Wendy, I'll be okay." He gives her a Natsu grin, big and bright and fiery as ever. "Don't worry."

"Promise?" she presses.

"Promise," he assures her. "Now get back to bed – you've got school tomorrow."

So does he, but she's not going to press the issue. "Okay. Stay safe, Natsu."

"Sleep well, Wendy."

* * *

"Yo, Natsu."

Laxus's hand clamps down on his little brother's shoulder, and reflexively, he blurts, "I didn't do anything!"

"I didn't say anything about you doing something," Laxus grumbles. "Just – here."

Natsu blinks at the information pamphlet in his hands. " _The Wonders of Growing Up?_ The heck is – wait, _hold up."_

"Be careful," Laxus advises with a cough, ignoring Natsu's horrified stare. "The last thing we need is another dragon slayer in the family."

"What – no – it's not – It's not like that!" Natsu screeches at the top of his lungs, but then Laxus is already snorting and walking away like the skeptical big brother he is.

"Oh yeah, and Natsu?" he calls over his shoulder.

"What."

"Go oil your window. It squeaks when you open it."


	4. Of Course It's Superglue

**HEY GUYS I'M NOT DEAD YET HAHA.**

 **Also, here, have some GaLe.**

* * *

"Why am I even surprised," Laxus sighed, staring at the boy and girl on his doorstep.

"Please help," Gajeel begged. "This is _so uncomfortable."_

"Yeah," Laxus said, studying the way his arm was _superglued_ to the girl's hair. "Yeah, I can see that."

"I hate you _so much,"_ the girl growled at him, and to Laxus's eternal shock, his brother _flinched._ Which possibly signified the end of the world because Gajeel did not _flinch._ Ever.

Especially not because of little girls who barely reached up to his chest.

"Oookay," Laxus said, leaning against the doorway. "I require an explanation. First off, who are you, and why in the world would you ever decide to do anything involving my idiot brother?"

" _Hey!"_

"Believe me, it wasn't my choice," the girl huffed. "We got assigned to a group project. Unfortunately, his hairstyling skills _really suck."_

Laxus's eyes flicked from his brother to the girl. "What kind of group project was this?"

"Skit," Gajeel sighed. "I was working on the paper mache for one of the props. She was supposed to be an actor. Things went very, very wrong."

Laxus decided that was explanation enough and stood aside. "You'd better come in. That glue isn't going to be easy to get off."

"You're not going to have to cut off my hair, right?" the girl asked nervously.

"No promises, kiddo, sorry. By the way, if I'm going to let you into my house, I should probably know your name."

"Levy McGarden. Sorry for intruding."

"Please," Laxus sighed as both kids slipped past him into the house, "if you knew what I have to deal with every day, you'd know that's the least of my worries."

* * *

Natsu didn't stop laughing for at least five minutes.

"Please knock him out for me," Gajeel moaned as his younger brother rolled around, pounding the wooden floor with his fist. "Five dollars to the first person who actually does it."

"Also a death sentence," Laxus countered sharply. "He's already screwed up enough without you adding to it."

" _Hey!"_ Natsu protested, suddenly sober. "You can't say that isn't funny!"

"Do I look like I'm laughing?" his older brother snapped, accidentally dunking Levy's face in the sink. She squeaked and spluttered.

"Gajeel," Laxus grunted after apologizing, "I swear to Mavis, if this stuff is superglue…"

Gajeel looked extremely uncomfortable after this statement, and Laxus sincerely hoped that it was because he was still glued to Levy, not because his previous assumption was true.

Oh, who was he kidding. Of _course_ it was superglue. This was _his_ brother they were talking about.

"Maybe you should Google how to get the glue off," Wendy suggested, pulling a freshly baked batch of cookies from the oven. Natsu pounced on them immediately, and Laxus steamed because Wendy's cookies were _heaven_ and if that little twerp ate them all before he managed to get Gajeel and Levy unglued he'd have a freaking _cow._

Yeah. That's right. A _cow_.

Erik poked his head into the kitchen, probably sensing the cookies somehow. The kid's intuition was terrifying, and like everybody else, he was addicted to the cookies. Before he even made it a step toward them, though, Laxus leveled a finger at him.

"Google something for me. How to get superglue off stuff. Also, Natsu, if you eat another cookie, you're ending up in the basement for the rest of the day."

Natsu said something that was probably very indignant and very rude, but was completely incoherent due to all the cookies in his mouth. With a strange kind of horror, Laxus realized that the cookies hadn't even cooled yet, and were therefore still _soft._

And. He'd eaten. _Half._ Of them.

How his younger brother was still alive was completely beyond him, but Levy let out a small whimper, and Laxus decided that he already had enough to worry about for one day. "Erik, _hurry up."_

"Nail polish remover," was Erik's response. "That, and lots of hot water."

A groan tore its way out of Laxus's throat because the hot water wasn't working and _who the heck uses nail polish remover in this house?_ He was firmly against the idea of any of his siblings getting their grubby little hands on chemicals of any kind, even Wendy, because chances were, Natsu was going to get it from her in the end.

He glanced at Levy. "Well, kid, I'm sorry, but I think we're going to have to get out the scissors for this."

"Wh-What? Couldn't somebody go pick up some nail polish remover?" Levy squeaked, eyes wide with fear. Laxus sighed, shaking his head.

"If I let any of these twerps near chemicals, the next thing I know, I'll be picking up the phone and the FBI will be hollering about some terrorist attacks. I'd like to leave your hair alone, I really would. But unless you wanna stay stuck to Gajeel for the rest of eternity…"

Levy shot Gajeel a look so full of hate, Laxus almost winced. "Ugh. No. I'll… I'll take the alternative."

"All right then. Wendy, I think you'd better do this thing. I don't know the first thing about girls' hair."

* * *

"Here she is!"

Wendy popped out of her bedroom, smiling, and skipped to the side. Levy peeked out a second later, looking nervous.

"All right, kid, come on," Laxus said gruffly. "We don't have all day, you know."

Shyly, she stepped out of the room. "Do I… Do I look okay?"

Behind him, Laxus swore he heard Gajeel's jaw drop.

After chopping off the part of Levy's hair that was stuck to Gajeel's arm, Wendy had shoved her into her room to "fix it up a bit." Levy's newly cut hair was now held back by a pretty yellow hairband, soft curls framing her face. Formerly waist-long, it brushed her shoulders, looking soft and shiny and fluffy. Self-consciously, she pushed a lock behind her ear, blushing under the many stares.

Laxus broke the silence. "Not too bad, kiddo."

"Yeah," Natsu chimed in. "It looks a lot better than it did before Wendy started trying to fix it."

"Dang, I should get Wendy to do my hair, too," Sting said excitedly. "Can I have a Mohawk?"

"Only if you want to look like a total dumbass," Laxus growled. "No more hair issues today, please."

Levy actually smiled. "I think… I think I actually like it better this way. It's so… _light."_

Wendy beamed under the praise, and Laxus almost missed Gajeel trying to sneak out of the room – _with some of the cookies._

He snatched his brother up by the collar. "And where do you think you're going? Don't you have something to say to the lady?"

Gajeel did a very unflattering spluttering thing.

Laxus shoved him toward Levy. "Oh, _grow up,_ you little twerp."

Gajeel stood there staring at the floor for five full seconds before looking up and mumbling, "Sorry."

"Uh, what? I couldn't hear that."

"Shut up, Laxus!" he snapped. "I'm… sorry, okay? I screwed up with the glue. It's my fault your hair got cut."

Levy regarded him for a couple more seconds in complete silence.

Then, she sighed, and managed a shrug. "S'okay. I needed a haircut anyway."

Gajeel actually offered a smile, and slowly, Levy smiled back. Laxus could feel the corners of his mouth tugging up as well – until, of course, Natsu shattered the moment.

"Okay, can we stop with the googly eyes already? We've got some cookies to eat!"


End file.
